The blogging world is amazing. I didn't even know it was out there until recently. Boy were my eyes opened! It feels weird when you find something new - a hobby, a friend, a job - it's like you can't remember what life was like before you found that new thing - It's like it's always been there. I couldn't believe how many people had been creating these wonderful blogs for so long and I knew nothing about it, however I think I found blog spot just at the right time for me.
Some of my first thoughts about the Blog world weren't all good ones though. I felt overwhelmed with it all, I felt a little jealous of all these wonderful people and what they had been doing and creating, I wondered how they found the time to do all this, I felt like my life was only full of housework. (Don't get me wrong, I do actually enjoy the housework - but you can only do so much!) My life, unlike all these bloggers - who 'as it seemed' never had to do any housework, they just played and blogged and made all these wonderful things all day - seemed dull. I knew this wasn't completely true, but its strange how your mind works sometimes. I loved sitting down and reading all about the fantastic things people had done that day, looking at their photos and finding more bloggers from other bloggers! I thought that I would never be able to do this (have a blog). What would I possibly have to put on it, to talk about and show others? And I have to admit that after doing this (reading other blogs) I would often go to bed feeling unhappy. I would get confused, because I knew that I wasn't an unhappy person, and I actually did enjoy life and that most days were good days, even though it is hard at the moment because Michael is away so much, but we are pushing through. Even after understanding all this I still felt depressed, I would lay in bed at night thinking about all the fun things other people were doing, what good mothers they were, how many great friends they had and how they were so talented. Now I know that, in the whole scheme of things, these problems of mine were minor and that there are a lot of other more important problems out there. But to me, at this time, I was struggling and needed to get to the bottom of why because I knew I was happy. I have friends and family around me that love me and care about me, but still I was feeling down.
So the quest began, and I started to open up and tell people about how I was feeling whenever I would read a blog. I talked about this with a few different people. Some listened but didn't quite understand; some didn't really understand at all and therefore thought that I was joking; some did understand but didn't quite know what to tell me. We are all different and I understood that not everyone would feel the same way I did, but there were some people that I talked to that did. Not always in the exact same way but they had their own personal feelings about blogs and how they made them feel. I was starting to feel not completely alone - finally!
Now these people had empathy, the ability to identify and understand another person's feelings or difficulties because of their own feelings and emotions. I don't know if anyone has ever shown empathy towards you or not, but even though it is often associated with something bad it is also one of the most amazing feelings. Knowing that someone not only understands you but that they know exactly how you feel because they have experienced it, and that they (if you let them) may even be able to help you.
That brings me to why I started a blog. While trying to make the decision on whether or not a blog was for me, a friend gave me some truly inspired advice, I don't think she will mind if I share it with you:
1. Don't let others get you down or think others are better/more creative than you
2. Don't think your blog is crap or boring
3. Remember the kids are more important than the blog
4. Don't let it consume your thoughts night and day!!
So I thought I would just give it a go. At first I was a little worried - people are actually going to see this, I thought. Oh no! I had no idea what I was doing and everyone else seemed so advanced - it appeared that they knew every little thing about blogging. But we all have to start somewhere, and usually the start is a good place. So I did it, I set it up - put a few pictures on and attempted to write a little bit about myself. This can be another challenge in itself, but if we do it we can find out a lot about ourselves! So over time, I learnt a few new things and I actually felt like I knew what I was doing. Frustration still occurred (and still occurs!) - pictures not uploading, etc. - but I soon found myself really enjoying it. I looked back over my photos from the past month, found some nice ones, and wrote a little about what happened that day. I then found that every day I started looking for the good things that were happening, and forgetting about the bad things. I started noticing the little things, and I became a lot happier. I also realised that most of my views from the start about blogging were not only a little bit wrong, but completely wrong. It doesn't take a lot of time to blog (well it can if you let it), and when you write about your daily happenings it doesn't mean that the whole day was perfect - it may just mean that for a few moments it was. I've also learnt that we all have talents, some are just harder to find than others. Some of our talents you can see and hear but some can only be felt. Some of our talents we don't even want but we have to remember that they have been given to us for a reason.
I feel like I spend a lot of time on my own with my kids currently. We don't get to have 'family outings' or 'family days' very much at the moment because Michael has an exam coming up. But it doesn't take a lot to create a special moment. That's why most of my posts are about the small things - Emily eating yoghurt, or a spot on Leilani's leg. But these are the things I want to remember. And I love that I can share them with anyone that is interested in reading it. My blog is for me though. We have always been taught to keep a journal, to write things down so that we can remember them and so that our posterity can learn and know about us. I used to be pretty good at this, but over the past few years I haven't been very good at all. However, since starting this journal - which gets to be full of pictures and comments from you as well - I have been so much happier. I never get down from looking at other people's blogs anymore, I don't feel jealousy taking the better of me, I don't feel competitive about whose blog is better, I don't wonder how people find the time or worry about what people will think of me. These are all the thoughts and feelings I had before I started a blog - when I was just a reader.
I do still marvel at the many talents people have, and the gifts they have been given from God. I come here to the computer to be uplifted, to be humoured and to be inspired to be a little better - to work a little harder and to write down the daily things that happen in my life. I hope that by sharing these thoughts I may have inspired someone to start their own blog. I know that not everyone has felt like I have about 'blogs', some of you will probably be thinking I'm a freak, but I wanted to share my story because I know that when we keep a journal (or a blog) we can learn a lot about ourselves, and we tend to look for the good instead of focusing on the bad. So if you have been considering starting a blog, or if you have ever had any of the feelings that I once felt I encourage you to start your own blog - you will find that it's not that hard and I'm sure you will enjoy it more than you think. And to all those that already blog, thank you for sharing your daily happenings with me.
